เคยไหมคะ เวลาทะเลาะกับคนรัก แล้วผลออกมากลายเป็นว่าเราผิดอยู่ฝ่ายเดียว แต่อีกฝ่ายกลับลอยตัวแบบสบายๆ และคุณเคยสงสัยกันหรือเปล่าว่าจริง ๆ แล้ว เราผิดจริงหรือเราแค่โดนปั่นหัว? หากใครกำลังประสบกับปัญหาดังกล่าวนี้ มาค่ะ เรามีวิธีรับมือกับสถานการณ์แบบนี้กัน ถ้าพร้อมแล้ว เตรียมหยิบสมุด ปากกา มาเช็คลิสต์การรับมือแก้ปัญหานี้กัน
พฤติกรรมถูกปั่นหัวคืออะไร
พฤติกรรมถูกปั่นหัว (Gaslighting) คือ รูปแบบการกระทำ ที่โน้มน้าว ทำให้อีกฝ่ายรู้สึกสงสัย กับความคิด ความทรงจำ ความสมเหตุสมผลของความรู้สึก ของตัวเอง เช่น โทษว่าเราโมโหมากเกินไป คนทั่วไปไม่คิดแบบเรา เราจำผิด เขาไม่ได้พูดแบบนั้น เป็นต้น หากโดนทำแบบนี้มาก ๆ อาจทำให้เรา เชื่อมั่นในตัวเองน้อยลงและถูกควบคุมได้ง่ายขึ้น ซึ่งมีหลายรูปแบบคำพูดสุดแต่ที่อีกฝ่ายจะสร้างสรรค์ ได้แก่
- ฉันไม่ได้พูดแบบนั้นซะหน่อย ซึ่งจริง ๆ เขาอาจจะเคยพูดออกมาแต่บอกว่าไม่ได้พูด เธอคิดไปเอง
- เบี่ยงประเด็น หากเราบอกว่าเขาเป็นคนทำ เขาจะเบี่ยงประเด็นไปเรื่องอื่น เนียนเปลี่ยนเรื่องไปเรื่อย ๆ
- คิดมาไปหรือเปล่า เขาจะทำเหมือนว่าเรา sensitive เกินไป จนเราสงสัยตัวเอง หรือเราจะคิดมากไปจริง ๆ
- หาเรื่องโทษเรา คนแบบนี้จะพยายาม หาจุด ที่เราเป็นฝ่ายผิด และ โทษเรา ได้ซะอย่างนั้น เช่น โทษว่าเราเป็นสาเหตุของพฤติกรรมแย่ ๆ ของเขา “เพราะเธอทำแบบนั้น ฉันถึงต้องทำแบบนี้”
- ไม่ยอมรับผิด พวกเขาจะไม่ยอมรับ ว่าตัวเองทำอะไรผิด และ ไม่รับผิดชอบ ต่อความผิดนั้น
- ใช้คำพูดหวาน ๆ ให้ตายใจ เช่น พูดกับเราว่า รักเรามาก ไม่มีทางตั้งใจทำร้ายเราแน่นอน หรือ พูดในสิ่งที่เราอยากได้ยิน แต่ก็ทำการกระทำเดิม ซ้ำ ๆ ไม่เปลี่ยนแปลง
- โกหก แม้จะมีหลักฐาน พวกเขาก็ยังสามารถ ที่จะโกหกเราได้ซึ่ง ๆ หน้า และบอกว่าเราสร้างเรื่องทั้งหมดนี้ขึ้นเอง เราพยายามจะใส่ร้ายเขา
วิธีรับมือกับพฤติกรรมถูกปั่นหัวจากคนรัก
1. ตระหนักถึงพฤติกรรมปั่นหัวให้มาก
อย่างแรกเลยเราจะต้องรู้ตัวอยู่เสมอว่ากำลังถูกปั่นหัว และควรบอกตัวเองว่าการที่เขาพยายามที่จะโทษทุกอย่างให้เป็นความผิดของเรา มันไม่ใช่เรื่องจริง อย่าโทษตัวเอง หรือรู้สึกแย่กับตัวเอง เพราะนั่น คือเป้าหมายของเขา
2. บันทึกการสนทนา หรือจดบันทึกพฤติกรรมของเขาไว้
เป้าหมายของการปั่นหัว คือ การทำให้เราสงสัย กับความคิด และ ความทรงจำของตัวเอง หลาย ๆ ครั้ง เราอาจจะได้ยินเขาถามเราว่า เราจำผิดหรือเปล่า เขาจำได้ว่าเรื่องที่เกิดมันไม่ใช่แบบนั้นนะ และ เราก็มักจะไขว้เขว สงสัยกับตัวเองว่า หรือเราจะเป็นคนที่ จำผิดจริง ๆ การบันทึกสิ่งที่เกิดขึ้นเอาไว้ จะช่วยให้เรามีความมั่นใจมากขึ้น ว่าเราไม่ได้คิดไปเอง หรือจำผิดแน่ ๆ
3. ขอความช่วยเหลือจากคนที่คิดว่าช่วยเราได้
การถูกปั่นหัวจะทำให้เรา เกิดความไม่แน่ใจในความสามารถของตัวเอง มีความเชื่อมั่นใจตัวเองลดลง และ มองเห็นคุณค่าในตัวเองน้อยลง ดังนั้น การมองหาคนที่ช่วยยืนยันความเป็นจริงกับเราได้ ว่าจริง ๆ แล้ว เราก็ ไม่ได้ไม่ดีพอ หรือไม่ได้มีความผิดปกติ แต่อย่างใด นอกจากนี้ การเข้าพบกับผู้เชี่ยวชาญด้านจิตใจ ก็เป็นสิ่งที่ช่วยได้เช่นกัน
4. รู้จักใจดีและเมตตากับตัวเองบ้าง
เพราะการถูกปั่นหัวนั้นส่งผลลบต่อจิตใจของเรา ทำเอาเสียสุขภาพจิตไม่น้อย ดังนั้นจึงควรที่จะดูแลตัวเอง หากิจกรรมคลายเครียด อย่างเช่น ทำงานอดิเรก หรือเรียนรู้สิ่งใหม่ ๆ หาสิ่งที่ฮีลใจ ก็ช่วยเยียวยา และ ลดความรู้สึกไม่ดีออกไปได้
5. กำหนดขอบเขตการกระทำ อย่าให้เขาล้ำเส้นเด็ดขาด
จริง ๆ แล้ว การมีขอบเขต เป็นเรื่องสำคัญ ในทุก ๆ ความสัมพันธ์ แต่ในความสัมพันธ์ที่มีการปั่นหัวเกิดขึ้น ก็ยิ่งสำคัญขึ้นไปอีก เราสามารถจำกัดการพูดคุยกับคน ๆ นั้น ว่าจะคุยได้มากแค่ไหน หัวข้อเรื่องอะไรที่เราจะไม่ตอบโต้ และพยายามปลีกตัวออกมา อย่างเช่น เมื่อเขาพูดประโยคที่ทำให้เราเกิดสงสัยในตัวเอง หรือทำให้เราไม่สบายใจ เป็นต้น
6. อย่าไปเสียเวลาเถียง
คนที่ชอบปั่นหัวเรา เขาจะไม่สามารถปรับมุมมอง มามองในมุมของเราได้อยู่แล้ว การพยายามอธิบายให้เขาฟัง ว่าเรามองอย่างไร เขาผิดอย่างไร และเราถูกอย่างไร ไม่ทำให้อะไรดีขึ้น มีแต่จะน่าปวดหัวมากกว่าเดิม และมีแต่จะทำให้เรื่องยืดยาวออกไปอีก ดีไม่ดีมีแต่เขาย้อนกลับมาโทษเราอีกเป็นวงจรไม่สิ้นสุด
7. เว้นระยะห่าง
เมื่อไม่มีทางที่จะแก้ไขให้ดีขึ้นได้ ทางที่ดีที่จะปกป้องตัวเราเอง จึงควรเว้นระยะห่างจากเขา ซึ่งเว้นระยะห่างในที่นี้ ไม่ได้หมายถึง Social distance แต่อย่างใด แต่หมายถึงการเว้นระยะห่างทางความสัมพันธ์ เพราะบางทีมันก็ไม่คุ้ม ที่จะพยายามเปลี่ยนแปลงพฤติกรรมปั่นหัว การทำตัวห่างเหินจากคน ๆ นั้น อาจจะเป็นทางเลือกเดียวที่เหลือ ถ้าเป็นความสัมพันธ์แบบแฟน การเลิกรา ก็เป็นสิ่งที่เราต้องพิจารณา
หากใครที่โดนพฤติกรรมปั่นหัวอยู่บ่อยครั้ง ลองพยายามพูดด้วยน้ำเสียงที่เด็ดขาดและมั่นใจดูค่ะ เพื่อห่างจากเขา เว้นระยะและลดการโต้เถียงลง จะทำให้อีกฝ่ายคาดเดาเรายากและทำตัวไม่ถูก อย่างไรลองนำวิธีข้างต้นไปใช้กันดูค่ะ
บทความ อื่นๆ
รู้เร็ว รวยไว อัปเดตผลหวยฮานอย 20/5/68 ก่อนใคร ที่นี่ ตรวจหวยฮานอย
นายแม่กองสลาก ไม่ทำให้สาว ๆ Girlsiam ผิดหวัง รู้เร็ว รวยไว รีบมาอัปเดตผลหวยฮานอย 20/5/68 ก่อนใคร ตรวจหวยฮานอย ได้ที่นี่ทุกวัน เช็คผลหวยฮานอย มาแล้ว ผลหวยฮานอยวันนี้
ผู้หญิงอย่าหยุดรวย แนวทางหวยฮานอย หวยฮานอย วันที่ 20 พ.ค. 68
วันนี้นายแม่กองสลาก จะพาสาว ๆ Girlsiam เปิดเลขเด็ด แนวทางหวยฮานอย หวยฮานอย ประจำวันที่ 20 พ.ค. 68 สาว ๆ คนไหนที่ชื่นชอบการเสี่ยงดวง มาดูเลย
รู้เร็ว รวยไว อัปเดตผลหวยลาว 19/5/68 ก่อนใคร ที่นี่ ตรวจหวยลาว ຫວຍລາວ
นายแม่กองสลาก ไม่ทำให้สาว ๆ Girlsiam ผิดหวัง รู้เร็ว รวยไว รีบมาอัปเดตผลหวยลาว 19/5/68 ก่อนใคร ตรวจหวยลาว ຫວຍລາວ ได้ที่นี่ เช็คผลหวยลาว มาแล้ว
รู้เร็ว รวยไว อัปเดตผลหวยฮานอย 19/5/68 ก่อนใคร ที่นี่ ตรวจหวยฮานอย
นายแม่กองสลาก ไม่ทำให้สาว ๆ Girlsiam ผิดหวัง รู้เร็ว รวยไว รีบมาอัปเดตผลหวยฮานอย 19/5/68 ก่อนใคร ตรวจหวยฮานอย ได้ที่นี่ทุกวัน เช็คผลหวยฮานอย มาแล้ว ผลหวยฮานอยวันนี้
ผู้หญิงอย่าหยุดรวย แนวทางหวยลาว หวยลาว วันที่ 19 พ.ค. 68 ຫວຍລາວ
วันนี้นายแม่กองสลาก จะพาสาว ๆ Girlsiam เปิดเลขเด็ด แนวทางหวยลาว หวยลาว ประจำวันที่ 19 พ.ค. 68 ຫວຍລາວ สาว ๆ คนไหนที่ชอบเสี่ยงดวง
ผู้หญิงอย่าหยุดรวย แนวทางหวยฮานอย หวยฮานอย วันที่ 19 พ.ค. 68
วันนี้นายแม่กองสลาก จะพาสาว ๆ Girlsiam เปิดเลขเด็ด แนวทางหวยฮานอย หวยฮานอย ประจำวันที่ 19 พ.ค. 68 สาว ๆ คนไหนที่ชื่นชอบการเสี่ยงดวง มาดูเลย
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